miss my biff

I miss my best friend. No I don't have a reason as to why Imiss her, but why should I have to have a reason. I just miss being able to hang out whenever we wanted to, or sitting around at night talking about our day or going for a drink from time to time. Tara and I have this closeness that I could never put into words. but it's a closeness I don't have with anyone else. and Somedays I just need to feel that closeness. It reminds me that everything is going to be okay and that everything in my world is right where it should be. It's almost like as long as I have tara then I know everything is normal and I don't need to add anything else. does that make any sense?
Matthew just let my parents house we just layed on the couch and watched tv. I love that guy. it's nice that we can just hang around the family like he's been around forever. I'm feeling weird today and I don't know what it is or why. Just weird.....

I have feelings too.

I've been having a trying week. I found out on saturday that Jarrah the girl who we took up the collection for and bought her that expensive wig in fact doesn't have cancer, she never did. she has a very mild form of lupus. Her step mother called us on monday and told our manager as soon as she found out about our donations and the wig. We should have seen it coming. after she shaved her head she never lost any more hair....she doesn't have any brusies on her arms she would have gotten from getting her blood drawn and when your on chemo it thins your blood a lot....she just got a tattoo...it was quite the blow to all of us. we were all hurt and betrayed and in a state of shock and not to mention angry. but after a few emails from some very christ driven friends I was able to see what was really important in the whole situation and that is that we responded with christ like love. We did what knew in our hearts to be the right thing to do. and i've forgiven her. I just hope that she can find it in her heart to give us back the wig so we can give it to someone that needs it.
Sometimes I feel like i'm looked down upon for judged for not being married or having kids yet. yes i'm 28 but I was never ready until now. It's like there are people out there who think that i'm less of a woman or don't deserve to be included in certian things b/c of this fact. That i'm not worth the advice or talking to even b/c I don't have a family of my own.when people forget that i know more about kids and raising them than I should for not having any. I worked at a daycare for two years and people don't realize that you are a big part of raising those children. and I have children in my life more than a lot of people who actually have kids do. I hate when I see the look in certian peoples eyes when they look at me when i'm talking about kids. or how i'm put down for not having any. the whole "you don't understand you don't have kids" and statements like that make me withdraw from people faster than you can imagine. I do understand even though I don't have kids. I understand better than you could ever know. So you want me out of your life then say those type of things to me. and if you don't realize you've done that then you should probably think before you speak. It hurts. and I have a man in my life that i love with all my heart and i'd love to have children with him and if i'm not able to have children ever does that still mean i'm not worthy of knowing what it takes to raise them. does that still mean i'll never "UNDERSTAND" no I think not I think that means that God has other plans for my maternal instincts. i'm sorry but it takes a villiage to raise a child one person can never do it on their own they will always need support and help from others and if thats what God wants from me than i'm more than happy to give it but don't count me out for it.